I went through my storage unit the other day, as I’m getting ready to sell things for my favorite charity, The Women’s Shelter. As I looked through the many wardrobe boxes of clothes, I remembered how insecure I was, even wearing a size 4 in 2009. Now the thought of my self esteem on a hanger is silly to me.
These last 2 years have changed me. I no longer worry what other people think. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, even though I’ve been fighting an extreme illness and I’ve gotten “chubby” as some idiots have called me.
At my darkest hour a few months ago, I had to ask myself if I wanted to let everyone’s comments affect my self esteem. Beauty was inside, not just outside. Yes, my hair was falling out like crazy and my body was puffing up more by the day. I didn’t feel too sexy as I fought for my life. To make things worse, the drugs I HAD to be on ruined my memory, my hair and my looks. I was trying to hard to keep my good spirits up. The only thing that seemed to go up was my weight. Now, I am finally getting better after years of fighting. I still have a long way to go, but I am actually thankful this happened to me and not some other woman. I always recover fast (self esteem wise) and I’m tough. I got to see who my real friends were and who dumped me. Who called after not seeing them for 10 years and who stopped calling, even though they knew I was deathy ill. Some people didn’t believe me and chose to think stupid things. I learned I couldn’t change what people thought. I could only change how I reacted to it.
Now I can just laugh when people say I’m fat and not let it affect my self esteem. I know everyone has their type and I am still beautiful even at a size 12 with MUCH less hair. I still get asked to sing and act and yes, even model! That shows me my personality IS good enough without wearing a 4! Yes, I will get back down to a size 8 again, which is perfect for me at 6 feet…but in the mean time, I think it is super important to love the skin I’m in RIGHT NOW! Learn to love your body and your life and your outlook will change…no one else’s opinion matters.
Love to you all!
Malena

